The 2nd Great Seige of Malta
Day 5.
It’s been a grueling battle of attrition over these last few days, and our forces were exhausted. Their attack was launched from excellent position. Honestly, we knew from the start that there was no hope. We knew that our defenses would eventually succumb to their superior tactics, but nobody expected the defeat to be so soon.
They knew we had to pass along the trade routes through Valletta, and they attacked from there. They didn’t even make any attempt at a surprise ambush. In fact I suspect that their strategy always involves the establishment of an obvious presence to intimidate the competition and assert their authority. And this case was no different. They blatantly mocked us with open defiance.
We had to take that path into the city for supplies and ammunition. Our last trip into Valletta had been easy enough; they were preoccupied with other quarry and we passed easily. But this time, disaster. They began offensive maneuvers from a brightly colored outpost, forcing us directly towards their core armaments. Once we saw their all-conquering, infamous war machine, the golden arches, we knew we were done for.
Thankfully, it was all over soon. My partner was downed with a Chicken McSupremo to the face, and I took a Big Mac pretty hard. But they didn’t leave it at that. Before they were finished with us, our bodies were riddled with french fries. And in some kind of morbid, post-victory ceremony, they doused our corpses in Coca-Cola.
The shame of defeat haunts us now. Not that we expected to go on forever, but we gave in so easily. After just 5 days! How can I ever look at myself in the mirror now? Curse you McDonalds!!
It’s been a grueling battle of attrition over these last few days, and our forces were exhausted. Their attack was launched from excellent position. Honestly, we knew from the start that there was no hope. We knew that our defenses would eventually succumb to their superior tactics, but nobody expected the defeat to be so soon.
They knew we had to pass along the trade routes through Valletta, and they attacked from there. They didn’t even make any attempt at a surprise ambush. In fact I suspect that their strategy always involves the establishment of an obvious presence to intimidate the competition and assert their authority. And this case was no different. They blatantly mocked us with open defiance.
We had to take that path into the city for supplies and ammunition. Our last trip into Valletta had been easy enough; they were preoccupied with other quarry and we passed easily. But this time, disaster. They began offensive maneuvers from a brightly colored outpost, forcing us directly towards their core armaments. Once we saw their all-conquering, infamous war machine, the golden arches, we knew we were done for.
Thankfully, it was all over soon. My partner was downed with a Chicken McSupremo to the face, and I took a Big Mac pretty hard. But they didn’t leave it at that. Before they were finished with us, our bodies were riddled with french fries. And in some kind of morbid, post-victory ceremony, they doused our corpses in Coca-Cola.
The shame of defeat haunts us now. Not that we expected to go on forever, but we gave in so easily. After just 5 days! How can I ever look at myself in the mirror now? Curse you McDonalds!!
posted by BenandJess at
11:05 PM
2 Comments:
Oh wow.
By
Missy, at 8:36 AM
By the way, it wasn't a McChicken Supremo, it was a McChicken Premiere, which is a crisp chicken patty with lettuce, mayo, and ketchup on a basil foccacia bun. I opted out of the Lion McFlurry, and strenuously objected to Ben having the Smarties Mcflurry. Smarties in ice cream? Disgusting!
By
BenandJess, at 10:50 PM
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